so i think i am going to start posting again. i enjoy having a journal to go back to of my past experiences.

i went to a furry convention in san jose last week and had a blast. i pretended to be the macho man randy savage with my friends all weekend and lost my voice because of it. drank for the first 3 days straight and then had a sober sunday because my body was telling me i couldnt last another day. i didnt puke ever, but waking up and putting vodka and energy drinks into a water bottle and sipping it all day takes its tole on a body.

the con took over a club a block away and it was the most next level experience of my life. free entry with costume, so the majority of people were either in fur or rubber. in the words of my friend laz, "its like eyes wide shut in here'. i expected to go and stay for 15 min but we ended up being there for over two hours. the djs were on point and it was an atmosphere i am likely to never encounter again. the life i lead is a strange one.

about to take out my first student loan... but the classes i am taking make me feel good. English contemporary compositional theory? lets do this B) i still write better than i speak but its getting better.

i got the box set for neutral milk hotel, but i dont have a record player. and i got some tickets for jeff mangums show in april.

bye for now :3c

just a heads up to any portland people that Jeff Mangum from NMH is doing two shows in april at the crystal ballroom. tickets go on sale friday at noon.

i am so giddy... i NEVER thought he would tour ever again... it had been over a decade since he was last around. its like getting tickets to see a dragon.

thats a check off my bucket list!

What a strange life I have been leading. A few months ago I bought duke.



then two weekends ago I went to a convention in seattle... its all a blur. Duke was a character i created just for the costume, and now I feel attached in a way I was not expecting. Now I see its impossible to bring something new to life without feeling SOME attachment. Since people can not see your face when suiting, you must be expressive with your whole body. The way you walk becomes more animated. When you are excited you cant just smile, it has to burst from every seam in your body... now that I am back home I caught myself walking like Duke the other day. I had to have less bounce in my step. I had to swing my arms less. I had to not sway my head as much. I had to remind myself how boring I needed to walk.

I never understood the allure of suiting until I tried on a friends at a previous con. It really is like stepping into the skin of someone else. Well, more like stepping into a blank slate. There are no rules on how you are suppose to act, so you get to decided. Are you going to have swagger? Are you going to be playful? Aloof? I hate seeing people in a suit that just shuffles around. Talk about a waste! That is why being animated and engaging was so key for me. It was liberating; energizing. Duke was a constant wellspring of energy at the con for me. Exhausted at 2am I would come back to my room and see that I left duke sprawled out on the bed. Instead of putting him away I would end up wearing him for another 2 hours. Its amazing the nightowls and parties that occupy such akward days.

Needless to say I drank copiously at the con. Breakfast, although well intentioned, was often more trouble than it was worth. I stayed with 3 close friends and just had a grand time. Its strange to have bonded with a costume (period) just to hide him in the closet the next day. Hell my whole life is strange :) Unless I am on a photo shoot I think Duke will stay in his box.

I am starting my first term at PSU, and its bringing me so much joy. On the first day of my intro to lit crit, (my first upper div English course) I was almost in tears. It has been a long and arduous road to get here, and its just where I want to be. I have longed for more than just accepting stares from my friends when I get allegory boners over lit or film. I want a discourse, and now I can have it :)

Still working the same old job, with the same shitty pay, but its not as demoralizing as it once was. There is a sense of movement my life that has lacked in years past. Progress always finds a way, eh?

just putting this here so i dont forget it. intro speech idea for my team in a beerpong tourny.

(12:10:23 AM) swift: dude
(12:10:26 AM) swift: fuck intro music
(12:10:29 AM) swift: i have the best idea
(12:11:19 AM) swift: "WE RODE OUR HORSES DOWN FROM VALHALLA ON THIS FATEFUL MARCH EVE BECAUSE WE HEARD THAT YOU mortals D: WERE PLANNING A TOURNAMENT
(12:11:52 AM) swift: A TOURNAMENT TO DECIDE WHO WOULD BE CROWNED THE BEER PONG CHAMPION
(12:12:28 AM) swift: WE WERE GOING TO BE KIND
(12:12:59 AM) swift: BUT DUE TO YOUR POOR FORM AND LACK OF WORSHIP WE HAVE DECIDED TO CRUSH
(12:13:03 AM) swift: this is where you crush a can
(12:13:11 AM) swift: ALL WHO STAND IN OUR WAY
(12:13:20 AM) swift: READY YE SELVES
(12:13:41 AM) swift: FOR FROM THE BOTTOM OF OUR BALLS, TO YOUR MOUTH HAS ARRIVED"

so i need a lot of empty beer cans for a project i am working on. anyone in portland like to drink? i have less than a month to get all the cans i need so speed is of the utmost importance. i will pay for the beer. i will give you beer. you can drink it with me, or for me and give me the empties back ASAP. anyone up for helping me out? :D

sup elowel? been a long time! i have been lurking around but just didnt feel like posting >.>

went to a sensory deprivation tank about a week ago. what an experience! i wanst expecting much since it was my first time. boy was i wrong! it was unlike anything i have ever felt before. the tank i was in reminded me of an old soviet era space shuttle. it was like a white pyramid over a tub with the pointy top cut off. the door in was on the slanted surface surrounded by hand holds. you would pop the hatch, and step in. then you turn turn around so you are facing out and kneel down. you would then grab the handle on the inside of the door, and as you leaned back you shut the hatch. slowly pushing off with your feet sent you into the middle of the tank. the whole tank was about 8X5 feet. it felt like i floated for a while before bumping my head on the other end though.

once you shut the door the world stops mattering. the water seemed shallow when i stood in it; but once laying down it seemed as deep as the ocean. i crossed my legs and put my hands behind my head. it was like i was floating in a hammock in space. since the water was heated to my body temperature, it seemed like it wasn't even there at times. i was existing on a plane where gravity had zero bearing on me.

i felt my body change position. sometimes it felt like i was pushed and my feet hovered over what should be the ground. sometimes it felt like i was slowly spinning like the minute hand of a clock. impossible since the tank was much too small to do that, but i still needed to reach out and touch the side to make sure.

i could feel my body parts dissolve in the water. i knew my feet were still attached to my body, but i couldn't feel my legs. they just melted away. it wasn't alarming. in fact, nothing was while i was inside there. as my other leg melted away i noticed what seemed like a large soft black ball was coming twords my face. it was pitch black inside the tank, but this orb seemed like the purest type of black possible. it pressed itself over my face, forming over every wrinkle i had. every imperfection and pore was covered and the only part of me that existed was my head. right as i had that realization it slowly began to retreat before floating away. slowly my body parts reattached themselves.

i saw a flash of bright white cover the right half of my vision. a single flash from a strobe light. after that i noticed a sheet of ice rolling twords me. soon i was floating under a sheet of iceberg blue. it was so calm. so peaceful.

i saw two more flashes of white, spaced pretty far apart time wise. the last two flashes seemed to be a trapezoidal shape that originated from just above my field of vision. you know how you can look up only so far without moving your head? they came from up there.

time didn't matter while i was there. i was in there for hours; i was in there for less than ten minutes. i could feel time stand still when i was in the perfect position. when the music began, telling me my hour and a half was up, i didn't believe it. i just started! getting out of the tank was troublesome. my body weighed an extra 200lbs. getting my feet under me and pushing on the door was a task to itself, never mind standing up. it was almost like being born again. pushing out from the warm and calling blackness into reality.

i got in the shower and cleaned myself off. the shower gel and shampoo had peppermint in it. my skin was alight with the tingling feeling. few things in the shower have ever been as stimulating as that. exiting the room the sun poured in from the large windows facing the street. it was too much. i had to squint.

i ate a piece of chocolate with a stupid grin on my face. i couldn't stop saying wow. "it was like... wow!... i just... wow." the proprietor just grinned back at me. he knew i couldn't describe what i felt, what i experienced. i still feel like that! this mess of words cant describe the fullness of what transpired. after drinking some tea and chatting with the owners i walked outside. the day was perfect! it was about 65 with blue skies in november, i couldn't just walk back to my car. i walked around the block. i walked up and down hawthorne, enjoying the smells. enjoying the sights. enjoying the feeling of being alive.

it was just what i needed.

now i just need to go back. good thing i already made another appointment for next week. :)

i said i would never do it, but i got a twitter :S

@swift_the_fox

i try to keep the inane bs to a minimum, but no promises :P

i am going to a convention in january. once again i am looking to find someone to stay with. i dont want to stay with a room full of strangers. i did that my first trip down and it was a disaster, with creepy being the operative word. my first roomie for the convention bailed on me after breaking up with his boyfriend. not a big deal, still plenty of time, legit reason, understandable. so i get in contact with another friend i know who is going.

she has a room, its going to be great, even puts me on the guest list so i can request a new keycard from the desk if mine gets lost etc etc etc. this goes on great for a few months until today when she tells me she cant afford it and is going to room with someone else. no matter that i will be paying my share of the room. oh and the room she is moving to is full. she offers to find another room for me, defeating the purpose of wanting to room with friends.

blech, is it so much to ask that people are consistent and can stick to their word?
answer if i was on jeopardy: what is yes?

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Mc Chris Mc Lars and YTcracker all in one show? my nerdgasam just fucking went off! i cant express how stoaked i am for this show. i have wanted to see ytcracker since i first heard his free album N.erd E.ntertainment S.ystem. Mc Chris was my first intro to the scene when he was doing voice over work on sealab 2021. fucking powerhouses in their own genera on the same stage.... fuck me sideways.

if you have even a passing interest in nerdcore, you need to be at the hawthorne theater on june second. 15 bucks at the door for the best show of the year? hell, i would give your kidney away and still call it a good deal.